Ben & Mike’s 2014 Advert Awards

One thing we love talking about is television advertisements. There’s some we love and some we hate. So, let’s take a look at some of our favourites this year in the 2014 Advert Awards.

Worst Advert

Mike’s Pick
Wonga – ‘Guitars’
Firstly, who’s this goober playing the guitar here? Secondly, what the hell is the point of this advert? It doesn’t make sense, the guitar players have nothing to do with the product. The advert goes on about “control” and “flexibility”. What control? Yeah, you don’t want to lose control of that guitar, or it might run amuck. And surely a contortionist would be more flexible than this guy slapping his guitar like a retard. Wonga can f*ck right off.

Ben’s Pick
E-Lites – ‘Gangnam Baby’
I hate any adverts with dancing babies or animals. It’s not funny! It’s just weird. I can’t believe people find things like this entertaining. The same with Wink Bingo’s dancing dog advert, it’s got nothing to do with the product! It feels like someone’s just gone “Hey, let’s do an advert with a CGI dancing baby! Why? Who cares, let’s chuck in some narrative in after.” and the song choice is terrible too. At the time of broadcast, Gangnam style had already had its day and was slowly going out of fashion. I always hated the song anyway. Well, not so much the song, but the craze around it.

Other notable mentions:

• Hotels 4 U – ‘Cupcake’ – What’s more annoying than a dumb guy constantly saying “Anything for you cupcake.” In a thick Brummie accent. If you said anything other than nothing then I feel sorry for you, because I personally can’t think of anything worse.
• Flora – ‘Wrestling’ – It’s an advert with good intentions that just turns out to be really disturbing. A kid accidentally sees his parents having sex. Ohoohoho, hilarious! Well no, no it isn’t, it’s horrific. I mean, the dog is the only one that covers it’s eyes! And what happens afterwards? They all just sit down to breakfast. Isn’t anyone gonna mention what just happened? Aren’t you going to talk to your children about what they just saw? No need, neither of them seem to mind, in fact, they seem quite happy.

Best Advert

Mike’s Pick
John Lewis – ‘Home Insurance’ – With wonderful stop motion animation, and Nina Nesbitt’s cover of Fleetwood Mac’s Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, John Lewis’s Home Insurance advert is my favourite advert this year. It’s well made and jolly, a lovely advert.

Ben’s Pick
Carte D’Or – ‘Eton Mess’
This advert is just perfect for me. It shows that you don’t need silly jokes or CGI dancing animals to sell a product. The focus on the sounds really taps into your senses, with the extreme close ups making the product look oh so beautiful. It’s a really simple ad, and although it’s not a new concept, it’s pulled off really well.

Other Notable Mentions:

• Kingsmill – ‘The Family’ – John Thomson and his family eating bread. It’s a simple advert, but the series of Kingsmill adverts are, in my opinion, some of the best and possibly the loveliest adverts on TV. The adverts have stories as well, which adds to the idea that they’re a genuine family

Most Improved Advert

Mike’s Pick (and Ben’s Pick too)
Go-Compare – ‘Tour’
The new adverts are better in general, but I’m focusing on this one in particular. Gio Compario has been reduced to driving a coach and shutting the f*ck up, which is good. And now, we also have a pretty lady to look at, which is always a welcome sight for the eyes when you’re used to looking at a fat Welshman. The adverts are well made and quite clever too.

Other Notable Mentions:

• Admiral Multicar – ‘Stop Singing’ – I’ve never liked the Admiral adverts, but the latest one has been a big improvement. Everyone is singing, like in the previous ones, when some guy pops up and tells everyone to stop singing and just tell people about Admiral Multicar. THANK YOU!

Most Declined Advert

Mike’s Pick
Wonga – ‘CGI Characters’ – I never cared for the Wonga adverts, I neither liked them nor disliked them, but I preferred them over the new adverts, which show the characters as CGI, while before they were puppets. The problem I have is that it looks so cheap now, I mean, not Protect Your Bubble cheap, but still cheap. And they look really ugly too.

Ben’s Pick
Compare the Market
This has to be the most irritating advert in the history of television. When it first started way back in 2009 – yeah, it’s been going on for 5 years now! – I thought it was a neat idea for a one off. Now I turn the TV off at the sight of it. Not only are the characters ridiculously annoying, the adverts have nothing to do with comparing insurance anymore. The latest one (see below) is all about the baby meerkat – because baby animals are cute so people will buy insurance – visiting the safari in Africa. It doesn’t mention insurance until the end, when it tries to get you to compare insurance just so you get a free toy. No! You don’t compare insurance just to get a free toy. You compare insurance when you need insurance based on who looks like a reputable company, which is certainly not this one! Since 2009, I’ve had to help relatives compare insurance, but I have boycotted Compare the Market (and Go Compare for that matter) out of principle. So the adverts have had the opposite effect on me. Well done lads, well done.

Catchiest Jingle

Mike’s Pick
Hive
The songs are nice, they’re not loud and annoying, and despite not singing much about Hive itself, you remember the product it’s selling. I mean, why are controlling your heating when you can let Hive worry about it for you, giving you time to focus on your giraffe’s drug habit and your acne ridden rabbit? You moron!

Ben’s Pick
Gladstone Brooks
It’s more of a radio one, but it’s one that I can’t get out of my head. I’m aware it was probably first used before 2014, but I’ve heard it a lot this year.

Other Notable Mentions

• Walkers – ‘Sun Crisps (Cardboard Jane)’ – A fun little jingle and a nice little advert. Nuff said.

Best Song

Mike’s Pick
Dan Croll – From Nowhere (Deichmann Shoes)
When I first heard the song I couldn’t get it out of my head. The advert itself is fine, but the song is what I remember most about it.

Ben’s Pick
Ben Cocks – Curiosity (Brittany Ferries)
Without doubt the best song I’ve ever heard in an advert. From the first time I heard it, I fell in love with the song. The advert is really nice too, so it complements it well. I have since bought the song and listened to it endlessly.

Here is the full song:

Worst Joke

Aldi – ‘Cider’
So you’re sitting there in your recliner with your glass of cider, when suddenly the chair falls back and… you throw your drink all over yourself a few seconds later!

Other notable mentions:

• Confused.com – Wanking Joke – Brian, the confused.com robot, is scaling a block of flats talking to the residents inside, when he comes to a guy looking pleasantly shocked at a laptop. He’s obviously looking at porn because when he realises someone is there, he quickly closes it down to hide what’s on there. Brian then says “You can even get home insurance. Beat that!” Get it? Beat that? Y’know, beat that, instead of your dick, ha ha ha!
• Plenty – Are You Wet? – Plenty’s spokesman Juan Sheet cleans a bin, then asks the women at home if they’ve gotten wet after seeing him cleaning up. Because women love cleaning so much, the very sight of someone doing just that will make them sexually excited.
• Haribo – Adults with Children’s Voices – The problem here is that the actors have confused children with adults who have learning disabilities. One of the worst adverts I’ve ever seen. Utter garbage.

Most Prolific Actor/Actress (or the ‘Troy McClure’ Award)

Katie Clarkson-Hill

First seen (by me at least) in the Boy Meets Girl Freederm Advert in 2013:

(She’s the one on the right)

Then, she was spotted again in a Dioralyte advert:

(Again, on the right)

Then, in 2014, she was spotted again, this time at a music festival in a Tampax advert:

(Always on the right.)

So, who is she? Well, her name is Katie Clarkson-Hill, or, according to IMDb, Katherine Clarke, and she’s from England. She’s appeared in a few adverts, a bit of panto, has appeared in the short film Arrangement of Thorns, and will appear in the upcoming feature film Unearthing Evil.

Weirdest Trend in Adverts

Small people will show you the way
It started with Pilgrim’s Choice a couple of years ago where a small cowboy helped a woman choose what cheese to buy.

This year, fairly close together, two similar adverts appeared. First there’s Jacob’s Crispbreads, where a small guy in a van driving around (usually inside buildings) delivering Crispbreads.

Then there was the Cuprinol advert where a tiny camp man in a plane delivers paint to people for them to paint up their old, worn out shed, thus saving the day.