I have a confession to make, the other day I bought BMX XXX for the PS2 from CEX for £2.50. It’s nothing I’m proud of believe me, but before you judge me I have to explain my reasoning behind buying the game. You see, I have a thing for terrible terrible games, and BMX XXX has a reputation as being a really bad game, so I just had to check it out.

In case anyone reading this doesn’t know, BMX XXX, released in 2002, is so-called because of all the smut and nudity included in it, but it wasn’t intended to be that way. The game, developed by Z-Axis and published by AKA Acclaim (the same two behind Aggressive Inline, also 2002), was supposed to be the third Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX game, and I’m sure I’ve seen an early trailer that called the game ‘Dave Mirra’s BMX XXX’, but I may be imagining that. Rumour has it that the people behind the game realised it was going to suck, so they added loads of nudity in it as a way of luring horny teenagers.

Did it work? Well the game got really bad reviews, and when Dave Mirra himself found out about the content, he refused to endorse the game and took legal action and he was successful in stopping Acclaim from using his name or likeness in the game. Sony refused to release the game on PS2 until it was censored, so any teens wanting to see nudity were just left with a crappy game and boring cutscenes of strippers not stripping, although the game was left uncensored on the Gamecube and XBox in the US. Over here in Europe the game was mostly ignored and the sexual content was removed completely from Australian releases. In the end, sales suffered and BMX XXX was just another nail in the coffin of Acclaim.

So with all the controversy and bad reviews and sales it’s not hard to see why Acclaim would go bust in just two years time, after another load of poor games. But is BMX XXX really that bad? Well let’s take a look.

bmx xxx review

The game starts with the usual montage of company logos and includes a quote from Oscar Wilde, “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.”

I’ll start off with the Rider Editor feature, it’s bad. First of all there’s only four slots, which I guess isn’t too bad – after all it’d be a challenge to find four people who’d want to play this with you – but the editor itself isn’t very good; it’s just pointless and boring. Normally I’d try make myself but I couldn’t care less what my rider looked like in a game like this.

The other modes are Multiplayer and Hardcore Tour. Since I don’t want to play this game with another person, I opted for the latter. I don’t know if any of the characters are real people, but there are some that might be and some that clearly aren’t, kind of like how Aggressive Inline had genuine roller bladers like Taig Kris (and other people no one’s ever heard of or cared about) and then they had robots and mummies etc. I ended up playing as HELLKITTY who looked like a stripper with green hair.

Also just like Aggressive Inline, the levels are a mixture of normal looking places, like BMX parks and streets, and random places like a dam and a NASA style launch pad. I decided to start off with Rampage Skatepark.

I was happy to hear Green Day’s Basket Case start playing when the level loaded up, so at least I’ll have something good to listen to. First of all, the graphics are not that bad. I mean, they’re not good, but they’re not bad either – I could make out who I was and where the floor was, which is more than I can say for some PS2 games.

The level was really small and I ended up just riding up and down doing tricks, so there was nothing exciting going on there. The level was timed, like the old Tony Hawks games, and the round was over before the song was, but to be fair I’d had my fill of Rampage Skatepark and of HELLKITTY – it was time for a change. For my next go I chose TRIPLEDUB, because that name was dumber than HELLKITTY. TRIPLEDUB is a mixed race looking fella with a big red cap and headphones on over them. As for the level, I chose The Bronx – the first level you encounter in the game.

The level loaded and Green Day came on again. Wait what? Green Day? Again?! Turns out this game doesn’t randomise it’s soundtrack like most games in this genre do, so I went into options and put on Click Click Boom by Saliva. This level is different; it’s much bigger and there’s no time limit, so I guess that’s reserved for the smaller levels. I also found out that pressing L1 and R1 makes you bail from your bike, which would be funny, but when you crash you bounce around like an old GI Joe, unlike, say, Flatout, where you can propel yourself from your car and flop around like a ragdoll.

I’m supposed to find missions to complete, but I can’t find a single one anywhere. When I finally found one, I got swore at by some guy – see, this game is like totally in your face! I was supposed to find coins, which was easier than finding patients in a hospital, but when I got to where the map told me to go, nothing happened. I was right underneath a big floating arrow, but I hadn’t completed the mission. What the hell?! I had another go and when I finally did complete the mission I was treated to a video of a stripper… not stripping. It turns out to see more I have to complete gaps and other missions and stuff in the levels, but seeing as how the PS2 version is censored, there’s no motivation to do all that.

I continued playing for another hour before giving up on the game altogether – I just couldn’t be bothered. The game wasn’t sold on it’s gameplay, it was sold on boobs, and since there aren’t any of those in the game, all that’s left is the gameplay and the gameplay is below subpar, so in the end you’re better off with any other BMX game and PornHub. But is it as bad as everyone says? Well no, it’s not bad – but it’s not good either. Gameplay aside, it’s crass, rude, demeaning to women and the so-called humour about as funny as a clown in a cancer ward. The soundtrack has one or two good songs on it but for the most part it’s dull, just like everything else in this game.

I’ve played worse games but this is still pretty bad, and it’s easy to see why this game has the reputation it’s got.

Our rating: 2.5 Stars (2.5 / 5)